A List Of Every Script I’ve Ever Written For Those Crazy Enough To Read It

One of my calling cards in interviews, and as a person, is having been ridiculously prolific.  As of right now, I’ve written approximately 71 feature films, some in excess of 400 pages long.  This is not to say any of them were good.  I’d say, to my current standards, there are about fifteen I’m proud of, and about seven I’d be willing to show to people.  My managers, the ultimate fence between my delusional ramblings and the actual realities of the film industry, have only seen about twenty five or thirty of them, and of those, agreed to show only the most recent 7 around town, the rest of my sales coming from pitches, that then turned in to scripts I’d now say I’m pretty proud of.

I write much slower now than I used to, which is good, and I focus more on ideas that I think will sell.  That isn’t to say I haven’t written plenty of things that I think started as good ideas, or even sound like good ideas now.  But my execution, from 15 until about 23, was fairly hopelessly flawed.  Even some of my later stuff is unreadable to me now.

My old habit was to just get an idea and go write it and not stop til I was done.  That ultimately I’ve found was good for my work ethic, but led to me writing sequels to my own unsold, unshown, untested work, and also writing adaptations or remakes to things I didn’t have the rights to and no one was asking for.  I never include these in my usual count of my features, but I did here, because, why not.

There’ll be a scene I’m proud of here, an idea I love there, but never a come-together.  Never a bigger picture, and when there isn’t a bigger picture, there isn’t a motion picture.  Movies are about execution.  “Guy trapped in building with bad guys” is not a cool or new idea.  You’d never think a franchise that can be quickly summated as “robots from space that turn into cars” would be one of the biggest money-makers ever.

I used to get so up my ass about the originality of my ideas, most of which weren’t even very original.  I had a fixation with trying to do stuff that hadn’t been done yet, and luckily, my creative process lends itself to that, but my skill and craft definitely didn’t.

There are scripts missing here.  Possibly a lot of them.  I didn’t include shorts, pilots, or comic books.  And I’m also pretty sure I’m forgetting some big ones outright.  I’m including ones I sold, ones I didn’t, ones that maybe only three or four people have even seen.  There’s even on here that only one person saw, and hated so much I never showed it to anyone again.

I made this list to celebrate sort of nearing the completion of two new projects, and I hope you’ll find it fun should you choose to read it.  These are NOT IN ORDER.  Like, AT ALL.

So here it is, off the top of my head: Every script I can remember writing.

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Slut – A 15 year old sex addict finds her life significantly complicated when she assumes the role of social worker for a bad-boy hook-up one town over.

Trust The Police – This 90s hood remix of High Noon features a community minded man dealing with the coming return of the drug dealer he sent to prison by snitching on him years prior.

m1nd – A lowkey telekinetic bartender’s abilities go mainly unused in a passive, slacker lifestyle, until an unlikely series of  coincidences forces him into action for the first time.

m2nd – Now a bonified vigilante, our hero must confront the increased government presence in his life, as well as deformed telekinetic psychopath intent on his demise.

m3nd – The world is changing; telekinetics are donning costumes left and right, and our hero gains a sidekick, as well as two new dangerous foes, both of them self-styled wannabe “comic book” villains.

m4nd – In a now very established dark super-hero world, our heroes clash directly for the first time with the United States Government, as well as the return of a powerful telekinetic lunatic.

Super Mario World – A successful New York lawyer is contacted by his estranged brother, who leads him through a hidden portal into a wild, dangerous alternate dimension.

Dysphoria – On a tiny island off the coast of Africa, the members of an underfunded humanitarian effort find themselves caught between a child army and the villainous adults still loyal to their exiled warlord.

Custom – A remote spa that caters to serial killers is thrown into chaos after a simple clerical error leads to a kidnapped victim being delivered to the wrong room.

Here To There – Five American college students find themselves on a path of depravity, blood and death as they try to save kidnapped woman who claims to have been forced in to prostitution.

The Big After – In a desolately underpopulated post apocalyptic world, the city of Las Vegas, population: 1, becomes the venue for a 3 character mystery, starting with the sudden and unexplained appearance of a one year old baby girl.

Passing Lane – After his brother falls into drug addiction in London, a low rent Detroit hood travels overseas to bring him home; however, once there, an accidental murder sets the dominoes in motion for bleak downward spiral.

Wild Bunch – After a mistaken delivery arms an entire third grade class with broadswords, the faculty of a smalltown school must contend with the Barndale Elementary’s descent into a feudal monarchy.

Battlefield – In the remote reaches of the galaxy, a lone human searches the endless expanse of the aftermath of a planet-wide battle, hunting for other survivors, and more importantly, an answer: Who won?

Sammy and Jesse Meet The Creature From Planet X – After two good ol’boys discover a wounded alien prince and nurse him back to health, they must protect him from a team of expert royal assassins, and a Men In Black style organization that has wrongly diagnosed this as the beginnings of an alien invasion.

Sasquatch Panic – After a record amount of Sasquatch sightings brings the bright light of media attention to a South Carolina trailer park, its denizens deal with their newfound “fame” in a variety of complicated ways.

Pantheon – On the night of the biggest pro-wrestling pay-per-view of all time, the industry’s brightest star is found murdered, twisting out into a who-dun-it told in real time.

Rinse Repeat – After an amicable divorce, a woman finds herself becoming obsessed with a younger man, who reminds her maybe too perfectly of her former husband.

Moth Magic – Trapped in The Place Where Lost Things Go, a young man must bargain with Reality Technicians and navigate encounters with Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer to find his way back to The Known.

The Theory Of Evolution – Inspired by a touring professor who speaks about evolution, a young black boy in 1920s Mississipi sets off a chain reaction that will eventually draw the attention of nefarious, white-hooded forces with evil intentions in mind.  This is a musical.  

Pan-Pacific – Stranded in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, a boat full of eco-activists goes toe to fin with a terrifyingly mutated dolphin, which has adapted to become our increasingly toxic ocean’s perfect predator.

Hometown Hero – In a world with many super heroes and villains, a small-town nobody reexamines his life and relationships when unexpectedly faced with an impossible challenge.

Chronicle – Found footage.  After exposure to a mysterious cave grants them telekinetic abilities, three very different teenage boys explore their newfound powers, with increasingly dangerous results.

The Long Long Days – Sort-of-sequel to The Big After.  In an apocalyptic future where the human population of Earth is under five hundred million, a father daughter team makes an emotional discovery in the sunken city of New York.

After The End – Locked in a Super K-Mart after a zombie apocalypse, a rag-tag group of people must wait the 30 days for the zombies to start to decay, only to find that, as usual, the undead are the least of their problems.

I Disappear – A science experiment gone awry leaves a tween with the ability to become invisible, which should be helpful as there’s now a lot of people looking for him.

Chronicle 2: Martyr – A brilliant but troubled woman uses high technology and guerrilla tactics to carry out an insane vendetta against the world’s only living superhuman.

Villains – In the wake of her father’s death, a young prodigy is forced into undercover work with a charismatic group of high-technology criminals.

Space Mountain – Set in a retro 1950s version of the future, a young man must travel across a solar system in the wake of a terrible disaster, unravelling a mystery as he searches for his lost sister.

Vessels – Far in the future, humans have become a space-faring race, and a schlubby loser finds himself at the center of a frightening incident aboard a space-station.

American Ultra – After a violent incident at work has a surprising outcome, a go-nowhere stoner begins to realize his mundane existence might hide the edges of a massive conspiracy.

Revelations – As the biblical endtimes begin on Earth, a group of four high school friends meet to face the end together, only to slowly realize that their role in the apocalypse is more direct and integral than any of them could have imagined.

Universal Horror – Commitment-phobic post-grad Forry is up to his knees in a mad scheme that involves a mummy, a reanimated patchwork corpse, a werewolf, a hunchback and an aristocratic vampire.

Song of the Siren – After a blizzard at sea leaves them trapped, the crew of an oil-platform tries to survive the night as they’re set upon by a massive swarm of carnivorous mermaids.

Weird Tale – Two amateur sorcerers are in a very literal race to put an ancient evil back to sleep before it can wake up, give birth, and destroy the universe.

Pecos – Upon learning of an Old West sub-dimension called Yonder, a grumpy suburban  goof-off discovers his lineage as the last living descendant of Pecos Bill, and takes up a six-gun to defend our world from three tall-tale outlaws.

The Wrong Girl – Found footage.  Upon discovering the infidelity of an older boyfriend, two college girls kick-off down a road of revenge, only for things to fly out of control far faster and more disastrously than either of them could’ve expected.

The Surge – On a small Saturn Moon Base, colonists wait to die as a massive shockwave approaches.

The Ever Afters – An evil sorcerer.  A noble prince.  A kidnapped princess.  A dragon.  This movie takes place in Washington DC in 1996.

Pepper – A newlywed couple’s dreams of starting their own restaurant are complicated by a bipolar chef, sketchy investors, and intense competition from a Hooters-style stripstaurant across the street.

Echo Street Magic – After inheriting her father’s rare book shop, a lit major reexamines her life, and her relevance to her friends and the world around her.

Things Change – When a blood test yields surprising results, a pair of siblings unocver a startling truth that their family, and indeed their whole community, might not be what it seems.

Bemidji – A fraught web of sexual indiscretions is torn to pieces as tensions rise past boiling point in the small town of Bemidji, Minnesota, in the heaviest ever recorded mosquito season.

Where The Wild Things Are – An adventure style adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s Where The Wild Things Are.

The Stuff – A reimagining of the 1985 Larry Cohen horror-comedy The Stuff.

Duel – A reimagining of the Spielberg film Duel.

Spitting In The Wind – After an attempt on his life leaves him as a reanimated corpse, a mild-mannered account is led on a path of revenge against the mafia via the darker corners of Jewish mysticism.

Garble – The biblical war in Heaven was real, but the outcome was a little different than anyone believes; God has been dead for fifty million years, and the Devil is an overworked mess in his place, operating through “saints” here on Earth.

Garble and The Whale – Saint Garble must protect the coming of the Antichrist (in functional terms, the Messiah) from the machinations of the evil Angels Michael and Gabriel, who trap the unknowing Prince of Darkness inside of a massive sea monster.

Girltalk – After discovering a white lie told in their childhood, two best friends fall into an emotionally brutal, increasingly physically violent confrontation on a beach in Malibu.

Roam – Depressed and desparing, a marine biologist abandons his family to go on a doomed global search for an injured blue whale.

The Investigators – Two child prodigies, now floundering in adulthood, reunite to solve a mystery that draws them into a smuggler’s bloody web of murder and betrayal in the caribbean.

The Slums Of Mars – In the year 2588, the slums on Mars have barely 1999 level technology.  A young hoodlum, caught in a robbery gone bad, has twenty four hours to get the money he needs to save his best friend’s girl.

Hell And The Policeman – After a chance bust leads to him killing an international criminal, a Nigerian police detective is thrust into the limelight, and pursued by the fallen psycho’s cult of murderous lunatics in the bayous of Louisiana.

Horace and Nogli Against The Gorlath – In an indeterminate fantasy world blend of feudal Japan and the Wild West, the story concerns two “town fools” who band together to hunt a monster, discovering a shocking secret about their world along the way.

Jet Set – The D-list celebrities who haunt reality shows, tabloids and sketchy Hollywood parties aren’t just hangers-on; they’re dark wizards in league with Satan himself who must be stopped at all costs.

Frankenstein – London, 1858.  Two young men at the forefront of science join together to create something that first tests their friendship, then their sanity.

Pied Piper – A fugitive toy-maker on the run from a vengeful bounty hunter finds refuge in a town with a dark secret and a very serious rat problem.

Typhoon – In the winter of 1757, after his best friend’s trade vessel goes missing, a captain in the Royal Navy goes against orders to track down the “sea serpent” believed to be responsible.

Katabasis – Jumping his just-deceased girlfriend’s soul from body to body, a young man is in a race against time, a vengeful cult, the police and the devil himself to save the woman he loves.

Local – A rural town in Canada has maintained a bizarre, disgusting holiday tradition for two hundred years; a girl comes of age, and must undertake the ritual herself or face exile.

Wish You Were Here – Boy meets girl, boy is revealed to be thousand year old freed genie, girl has to cope with being with the man who truly has (and has had) everything.

Big Red McClane King of The North Woods – This adaptation of the insane comics of Fletcher Hanks is every bit as manic and crackpot as its source material.  

The Retriever – Farley Pascal would be the perfect secret agent, but there’s a problem; the skills of Bourne, the smarts of Bond, and the OCD and near-autistic social functioning of Rain Man have left this prodigy as a mercenary.

Me Him Her – Well-meaning loser Cory is lost in Los Angeles between two friends in the throws of quarter-life crisis.

Amnesty – In a modern fantasy setting, where dragons and griffins are endangered, orcs ride the subway and elves post selfies, a sinister corporate conspiracy threatens a tiny sovereign nation.

Fall Of The Third Kingdom – A young American couple, having inherited a farm in rural Ireland, find themselves in an all-out war for survival against a heavily militarized army of gnomes.

Mr. Right – Twisted goof-off Martha McKay, recently dumped and now thirty five, has met the perfect man: funny, handsome, sexy and smart, he’s the Prince Charming hero of a 1930s musical.  But there’s a catch.  Oh boy, is there a catch.

Ambassador Avenue – A kill-technician for the United States army finds herself in a dangerous situation when, whilst in a warzone on assignment, she is hit with severe case of menorrhagia (a heavy period).  This is not a comedy.

Goodtime Gang – Wild action and deeply irresponsible behavior ensue when two dilettaunts of the world of professional mercenaries are assigned to hunt down the most dangerous targets of all: their parents.

Green Valley – A disgraced group of four knights, once close friends, is given one last shot at redemption: kill a wizard, and slay his dragons.  But there’s no such thing as wizards, dragons don’t exist, and nothing is as it seems in the town of Green Valley.

Worldwalker – A family man’s midlife crisis is interrupted by the arrival of fallen Greek gods, who insist he is Zeus and must help them to combat the return of the titans.

Love / Trust – A woman discovering her husband ‘s dark private hobby leads to a series of painful revelations that test the boundaries of their relationship.

Moby Dick – Deep in the Artic Circle, an eco-activist anti-whaling vessel discovers a sinking whaler boat, and rescues its crew.  At first the seemingly delusional, violently tempered Japanese captain would appear to be the problem, but there’s something far more bizarre and dangerous lurking just beneath the surface of the blue black water.

Whitepaw – After being stranded as a child in the Canadian White North, a young woman is raised by a tribe of Sasquatches, and becomes an integral part in their clan war against the Wendigos.

Squire – Tasked with delivering a motorcycle to San Francisco, an aimless and irresponsible young man heads out from Ohio, unaware of the undead infant hidden in the bike’s gas tank.

Hulk : Chicago – Following the lives of a Paramedic, a police officer, a teacher and a fireman over the course of one day, before, during and after a fight between The Incredible Hulk and Thor levels a good portion of Chicago.  Worth noting, this was written LONG before Thor, DisneyMarvel, etc.

Who Killed Sherlock Holmes – In the wake of disastrous autobiography sales, a disgraced LAPD detective falls into a mystery when his neighbor, a struggling performance artist who recreates the scenes of famous murders, goes missing.

Militia – A brilliant young woman designs an army of tiny robots to help patrol her slummy suburb; things complicate when the robots determine that humans, as the root cause of all kind, should be imprisioned as a prophilactic measure, and our mad scientist must venture out of the lab to control her creation before the entire city becomes a police state.

Waterloo – Following the lives of a Paramedic, a police officer, a government aid, and a an airforce pilot over the course of three days after a failed alien invasion of planet Earth.

American Gothic – After being bitten by a vampire in the 1950s and trapped in a crashed car for over sixty years, a homeless man finds himself relentlessly pursued by a homicidal government team of Vampire Hunters.